Emblem of the Order

Emblem of the Order

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Holy Order of Saint Timothy

The Holy Order of Saint Timothy is an apocalyptic cult fixated on heralding the end times.  We are spiritual, welcoming, and non-denominational.  We seek to guide people away from worldly pursuits by relating disgusting stories that erode one's faith in mankind.

The name of the order comes from 2 Timothy 3:1-5:

"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,  treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people."

We want to disgust people into not acting like this.  In addition, we are trying to accumulate evidence that we have thoroughly reached this point.

If you agree with these goals, please join today!  All one must do is pledge to relate disgusting stories, preferably ones with a hook to them that really evoke disdain.  They needn't be true, and you are encouraged to embellish anything that is true to make it more provocative.  If you hear of someone getting injured at the shopping mall, by all means turn it into a tale of how a poor single mother, working five jobs to get money for her child's operation, got trampled to death on Black Friday by a megachurch pastor rushing to buy a discounted TV with money taken from the collection plate.

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